WEEK FOUR
Day One
DAILY SCRIPTURE
Ephesians 4:29
LEADER GUIDE QUESTIONS
Week Four Download
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Know: Read Ephesians 4:25-32
Note: Read slowly, carefully marking keywords- continue to mark the words from previous lessons—Mark keywords with a different color or with a symbol to differentiate them.
Speak
Anger/ Angry
Steal
Unwholesome Word
Grieve Holy Spirit
Bitterness
Wrath
Malice
Observation: Study notes below for context. Journal your thoughts or questions.
What: List the areas where you “resurrect the old man.” Besides those, list the opposite: “new man.” On a separate list, write out the truth about who you are. For example, if you tend to lie, write: “I lie by feeling too guilty to say ‘no’ to people. That is not who I am. I am trustworthy because Jesus is trustworthy. My ‘yes’ is based on wisdom because the Holy Spirit is wisdom.”
“25 Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. 26 Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and do not give the devil an opportunity. 28 He who steals must steal no longer; but rather he must labor, performing with his own hands what is good, so that he will have something to share with one who has need. 29 Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. 30 Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:25-32
I was watching a movie recently about two friends.
Leanne sat across from her best friend's daughter, Rachel, as she was complaining about her mom. While listening, Leanne began to remember. She had been there when Rachel was born, watched her grow, and had been at every milestone. When Rachel was being a rebel, Leanne had been there to support and listen while her mom vented. She had tried to be the kind of friend who would be faithful, never judge, and never compare.
Leanne and Sara had walked through ups and downs, wins and losses. They grew up together in many ways. They had flaws and annoyed one another; one was a gifted businesswoman, and the other was a divorced stay-at-home mom, recently employed.
After listening to Rachel’s complaints, Leanne looked at her with all her vicarious Mom-love and said, "First of all, stop talking about my best friend like that. Second, your mother loves you. Why don't you tell me all the good things she's doing?"
This scene stood out to me because of the faithfulness of this friendship. The two friends chose to believe the best in each other; they always spoke well of each other and defended and protected one another despite their flaws.
How often are the foundation of friendships and marriages cracked by gossip, anger, jealousy, unforgiveness, comparison, and bitterness?
I have enjoyed many wonderful friendships. I have life-long ones who were built on loyalty, but I have also had unfaithful ones who have not loved me the way I loved them. In times of betrayal, our hearts want to build up walls of protection and defense, making vows never again to allow anyone to hurt us. That is not how we were created, though. We are designed for love and to be loved.
In this passage in Ephesians, there are negatives we are to “put off” :
Falsehood (speaking lies)- Satan is the father of lies. If you habitually lie to people, you will become untrustworthy. Lies are easy to spot; they look like half-truths, lip service, and fear of transparency that manipulates and controls. Sometimes, people think they must tell everyone what they think and feel, which is honesty. However, it is usually rooted in insecurity, which, when spoken, is unkind and lacks true love. “Let your ‘yes’ be ‘yes’ and ‘no’ be ‘no’.” (Mattew 5:37). If you can make it to an event, say yes- without grumbling and telling everyone how you feel about it. If your schedule is booked, say no. Etc.
In your anger, do not sin: Anger is an emotion. Anger can be a good thing because it rights injustice. Anger becomes wrong when it controls you (this is how the devil gets the opportunity; if the spirit does not lead you, you are being controlled by another). Meditating on things that make you angry gives anger power over you. We are to be led by love, not anger. There is nothing more unpleasant than living with a passive-aggressive or angry person.
He who steals must steal no longer: Don’t take from another person. Stealing does not just include possessions. We can steal someone’s peace, joy, trust, etc. Satan stole what did not belong to him, and the world became chaotic.
Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth: Don’t gossip, backbite, slander, curse, belittle, defame, or mock people. You cannot love who you secretly hate. Don’t joke about things that should remain pure and good.
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice: In other letters, Paul adds to this list deceit, hypocrisy, enmity, hatred, drunkenness, immorality, bitterness, jealousy, envy, slander, profanity, and tantrums. These negative responses all come from selfishness and an unregenerated heart.
Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God: The Holy Spirit is a person with emotion. He desires expression through you. When your flesh leads you, you are not giving the Holy Spirit any room for expression.
Our choices bring our heavenly Father pleasure and pain. When we stumble in sin, He grieves because sin hurts us. The sins Paul has just listed – speaking falsehoods, stealing, and unwholesome speech (including quarreling, gossip, and backbiting) – are all relational sins. When we act like this, we hurt those around us.
The imperatives Paul gave us are opposite to the nature of God. We must have the right view of God to know who He is. If we have a theology of a bad, angry, wrathful God, we will live with an orphan spirit, dodging God.
Jesus is perfect theology. He showed us who God is.
God is not angry with you. He doesn’t speak or think bad about you. He will never steal from you or lie to you. Satan will.
God is truth; He is trustworthy. God is good, and His kindness helps us believe it. God showed us how he judges; the book of Judges tells us what He did to those who came against His people no matter how they behaved- He went after their enemies. God did not send His Son to protect us from striking us with His wrath. Jesus is who God is. This means the Godhead moved toward us in our sin, took off our dirty robes, and clothed us with His robe.
Since the nature of God is truth, love, kindness, gentleness, self-control, and righteousness, and we are filled with that same spirit, we should live by that spirit. The old man died with Christ; keep him dead. Don’t live by the flesh any longer because it has lost its power through death.
Your behavior matters to God because you matter to God. He wants you to prosper and thrive in every area of your life. Even if you make one mistake after another, God will still be your Father, and you will still be his dearly loved child. Your actions may be harmful and saddening to him, but you will always be the apple of his eye.
If you act like a sinner, you’ll grieve the Holy Spirit, but here’s what won’t happen: He won’t record your sins, nor will He send you on a guilt trip. He won’t withdraw from you until you get your act together.
When you sin, the Holy Spirit will always point you to Jesus. He knows that as we behold the kindness and compassion of Christ, we become kind and compassionate. As we gaze at his forgiving face, we become forgiving. As we marvel at his beauty, we become beautiful. As we behold Jesus, we are transformed into his shining testimonies of grace.*
If someone has treated you the way Paul listed, you have probably been given an opportunity to forgive them because you have been hurt. When Jesus died on the cross, He became sin and forgave it. He took your sin and cast it away as far as the east is from the west. You have the same Spirit living in you. The Spirit empowers you to forgive just as you were forgiven. Forgiveness receives what Jesus paid for and releases the one who owes a debt they can not pay. It erases that debt as "paid in full." Forgiveness is an account settled in the heart as paid in full by Jesus' Name and His blood.
(What Forgiveness is not: Forgiveness does not ignore what happened. It does not tolerate. It is not excusing the hurt or wrong. It is not forgetting or pretending. It is not reconciliation, not brushing the wrong under the "carpet" and never speaking of it.)
*https://thegracecommentary.com/ephesians-4/#ephesians4v22